Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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