There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
