every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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