remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
