After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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