she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
