yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
