I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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