I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
