i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
