Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
