Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
actually, I'm a sock model
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
In other news, I just burned my penis
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
