yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize