therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
