I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
