I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
