haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
