Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize