I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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