Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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