The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my shit smells like andre
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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