saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
