Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize