is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize