I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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