my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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