fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
