So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
