there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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