It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
