WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
