Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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