I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
