There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
