i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
