If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize