I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize