You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
