I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club š
āŖI got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ā¬
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
At least Iām an āessential employeeā and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesnāt ask why Iām essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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