you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
