Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
