she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
