Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
