Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
