i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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