I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
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