People in love make me want to vomit
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
