is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
