It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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