I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize