my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
