So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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