was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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