Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
