The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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