if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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