cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i drank out of a bidet.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
