You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
