There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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