You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize