As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
