Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
