STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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