he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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