My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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