Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
