i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Verdict: uncircumcised.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
