so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
