I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
