I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
