who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
