I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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