Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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