does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Bring me that man meat
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
